I guess I should just begin at the beginning, not the now, the bits where Alpha Male left me unsupervised and I was left to my own devices and I guess my imagination would run a little wild.
So that’s what my posts for now will be. The not so distant past. What happened. Remember most of it is tall tales – with just a little bit of fact and a whole lot of make believe – because we all know cows and sheep really can’t talk. Right?
In preparation for Alpha Male abandoning us for 10 days I was given a CRASH COURSE IN FARMING, so I would be able to FACE ALL FORESEEABLE SITUATIONS.
Today was Lesson 1 in Farming 101 - teaching Farmgirl how to put up/shift temporary fences for break fences.
Alpha Male (voice increasing in volume/angryness) “Oh for crying out loud, turn the standard to face the other way. Hook the electric fence in properly or it will just pop out. Can’t you make a straight line?? Well don’t touch the bloody metal while you’re hooking up the electricity or you’ll get zapped” (exasperated sigh). (Shit, glad he told me about the zapping part, who would have thought!).
Me “Well Alpha Male, I don’t think the cows really care if the line is straight or not. And anyhow that calf is giving me the evil eye so I’m not going any closer. Can’t they just shift the fence themselves?” (another exasperated sigh). I think it all went pretty well considering……….
Lesson 2 of Farming 101 - Learnt how to drench all 4 manky lambs today. Poor little buggers are very skinny (bought them from the sale yards on Monday, then the truck delivered them to the wrong place). Alpha Male sheared them this morning, and they now look even worse but hopefully after a drenching and some good tucker they will fatten up. So anyhow lesson went as follows -
Alpha Male “Right, get in there with them, lift its head up under the chin and use your thumb to open its mouth and in goes the drench gun, then squeeze”.
Me “Will it bite me?”
Lesson 2 complete…….
Followed closely by Lesson 3 of Farming 101 - Learning how to throw bales of hay in with steers. Alpha Male chucks it over the fence.
Me “You forgot to take the baling twine off and its still in one piece”.
Alpha Male “I know Farmgirl. Now you have to get in there with them, remove the string, pull the hay into bits and spread about the paddock”.
Me “Oh you’ve got to be (#######) kidding!”. (I did include a swear word in that sentence).
Alpha Male “Get in the (#######) paddock and stop being such a sook”. (He also used same swear word).
Me “Okay but I hate you big time”. (Very mature I know but made me feel much better).
Lesson 3 completed but I don’t think I scored an A for that one.